My mom was utterlysilent on the phone. It was unnatural.
Youre getting what?” she finally answered.
I sighed exasperatedly.
Lipo. Its lipo.”
She made a noise as if she were about to say something, but I cut her off.
Its totally noninvasive, I promised. Its done with a laser. Theyre not cutting into anything. I wont feel it.”
We’d spent the last 20 minutes yelling about how I should just exercise and stop eating Pizza Pringles if I really wanted to shed a couple of pounds. To my mom, doing something because its cool or because itll make a great story isnt reason enough to actually go through with it.
The thing is, strawberry laser lipo (officially called LiLa) actually seemed way more than just cool. Strawberry lasers are FDA-cleared and promise to be entirely painless while eliminatinginches and contouring the body. They’recold lasers, which means they don’t penetrate skin as deeply. As for the name, it’s becausethe machine that performs the procedure is shaped like astrawberry. Science!
Unlike regular liposuction, the strawberry kinddoesnt physically remove and kill your fat cells. Instead, the multiple low-level lasers pull the triglycerides from the fat cells, shrinking them and leaving them unharmed. Basically, its like lipo for commitment-phobes.
At $200 and up for eachtreatment, it’s way cheaper than Plain Jane lipo. I was offered the first session gratis, forthe experience (and, potentially, for a story).
That’s what I tried to explain to my mom, anyway. Like all moms, she just wasn’t having it.
The next morning, I sat waitingin the immaculate reception areaof MedSpa 44, a humble hideaway on the second floor of an office building in Midtown. While filling out my medical information, I met with my aesthetician, Carmen Fernandez, who talkedme through the process.
First, I had to throw away my coffee. Water will be easier to flush out of my system, she explained.
Next, I was instructed to take my top off. Pro tip: Be sure to wear a sports bra or youll be playing peek-a-boob during the last part of the procedure. Fernandez measured below my boobs, my waist, my stomach and right above my hips. If you’re planning on getting the procedure, I highly recommend dousing yourself in deodorant beforehand. Otherwise, youre forcing an innocent person get up close and personal with your BO.
While you can get the treatment on just about anywhere on your body,I opted for my stomach. The treatment could have harmed the tattoos I had on my arms, I’m not too concerned about my back fat and I kind of like my thunder thighs.
As I laid down on the treatment table, Fernandez placed warm laser paddles onmy stomach and two smaller probes over my lymphatic glands, at my hip area.
Then, I got sleepy and took a brief nap.I zoned out for all of 10 minutes until Fernandez came back and adjusted the laser paddles, moving them lower on my body. Apparently I carry most of my weight in my lower stomach. Who knew?
Another 10 minutes passed, and I took another rapid-fire nap. Any method of weight loss that allows me to nap is the best method ever.
Fernandez removed the paddles from my body, which was so sweaty it seemed as ifId just run a marathon. However, I didnt feel tired or particularly overheated, just pleasantly warm.