â€” nick kroll (@nickkroll) March 29, 2012
Hey @danieltosh. Heard ur comment about my movie. Just FYI, we got all our ideas from ur show.
â€” Sean Hayes (@theseanhayes) March 29, 2012
#DickCheney had his first heart attack at 37, for all those younger people who think buying health insurance shldnt be mandated.
â€” Bill Maher (@billmaher) March 29, 2012
how much money to show your butthole to a room of 20 people? right now. with no hesitation.
â€” Eric Stonestreet (@ericstonestreet) March 29, 2012
I feel like I’ve been looking at that drag-queen discus on Christina Aguilera’s head for 2 months.
â€” Andy Richter (@Andy_Richter) March 29, 2012
I got swagger with my pregnant self =) twitter.com/snooki/status/â€¦
â€” NiC0LE P0LiZZi (@snooki) March 29, 2012
Does anyone use sugar cubes anymore?
â€” Larry King(@kingsthings) March 29, 2012
So glad to hear that Ron Burgundy will be coming back. We all have missed his steady voice and guidance.
â€” Colin Hanks (@Colin_Hanks) March 29, 2012
Show idea- roomates, aburly gay man and a uptight straight guy called ‘bear with me’
â€” h. jon benjamin (@HJBenjamin) March 29, 2012
Psychedelic Afro Wig twitter.com/mena13suvari/sâ€¦
â€” Mena Suvari (@mena13suvari) March 29, 2012
My mom said I wasn’t molested as a child because I was a giant shithead. Seriously. She actually just said this.
â€” Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) March 29, 2012
Tiger Woods had a flip phone while he was scheming? If you gone cheat at least have a touchscreen. Ain’t nothing “G” about a flip phone.
â€” Jay Pharoah (@JayPharoah) March 29, 2012
Saying no to the Beatles is like losing your Panda…
â€” Gary Busey (@THEGaryBusey) March 29, 2012
Avoid puns. twitter.com/rustyrockets/sâ€¦
â€” Russell Brand (@rustyrockets) March 29, 2012
never expect a leopard to change his spots. Because NEVER is when he will change them. that’s a very long wait..
â€” Kirstie Alley (@kirstiealley) March 29, 2012
Eating lobster for breakfast! I LOVE lobster! Yummyyyyyyy!!!
â€” Heidi Montag (@heidimontag) March 29, 2012
Beyonce – if I were a boy – just as a thought – how cool would that be? Just for a day…
â€” Caroline Manzo(@CarolineManzo) March 29, 2012
I think the Tower of Terror is a better hotel than the Roosevelt.
â€” bob saget (@bobsaget) March 29, 2012
â€” Adrianne Curry (@AdrianneCurry) March 29, 2012
Birthdays are like penises. I only like fucking around with mine.
â€” Chris D’Elia (@chrisdelia) March 29, 2012
Dear Insomnia, I’m breaking up with you. It’s not healthy 2 go on like this.Don’t despair, I’m sure you’ll find someone else.xo C
â€” Cheyenne Jackson (@cheyennejackson) March 29, 2012
Probably somebody has sent a booty Draw Something by now, right?
â€” dave holmes (@DaveHolmes) March 29, 2012
If you include my work as a child, 98% of the poems I’ve written are about diarrhea.
â€” Dana Gould (@DanaJGould) March 29, 2012
Chillin with a falcon mob.li/_CCGxg
â€” David Arquette (@davidarquette) March 29, 2012
I have mom in my cell phone as “DON’T ANSWER” awww 🙁
â€” Andy Milonakis (@AndyMilonakis) March 29, 2012
I’ve had waaaaaaaay tooo muuuuccchhh caffeine and sugar!! Everyone on set is afraid of me…..
â€” Brad Goreski (@mrbradgoreski) March 29, 2012
WASN’T going 2 get all dressed up 2day until my kid took 1 look at me and said “Mom, u know my friends r coming over, can u get ready?”.
â€” Leah Remini (@LeahRemini) March 29, 2012
I’d rather be by myself then to be around people who have problem with who I am. Your problem, not mine.
â€” Mary J. Blige (@maryjblige) March 29, 2012
This needs no explanation right? twitter.com/MatthewPerry/sâ€¦
â€” matthew perry (@MatthewPerry) March 29, 2012
Feeling snug as I swiftly slip off my sienna string suit & stilettos to jump in the hot shower for a midnight heat-rush! Sweet dreams to you
â€” Courtney Stodden (@CourtneyStodden) March 29, 2012